We Made It! My MOPS Journey

I know I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time, but I felt like this was blogworthy. Rilyn made it through an entire MOPS morning! This is 5 MONTHS in the making!

In November I decided that I needed to find something for me as a mom. Staying cooped up all winter wasn't an option. And I also wanted something with childcare, because I knew that having that time for me was important. I'm not in a place to start something on my own, so I started researching what was available in my area. (If you're looking try MOPS or Meetup.com) I found a MOPS group about 15 minutes from my home and decided to try it. This was huge for me, because I went completely on my own! I was nervous but excited at the same time.

I dropped Rilyn off in the nursery and was excited at the prospect of two whole hours of adult conversation, no one else eating off my plate and being challenged! Rilyn, however, was not a fan. After thirty minutes, they came and got me.

This has been my experience every single time since. Sometimes, I was able to get her to sleep and go back; other times, I had to bring her back with me. Each week, I would drop off Rilyn and feel a little bad that the care takers had to "deal" with her. I felt like none of the other mothers were dealing with this. But I also knew that eventually Rilyn would becomecomfortable in there and I didn't want to cave.

Yesterday, I looked at the clock and to my surprise there were only 15 minutes left! She made it! What a relief!

There were so many times I wanted to throw in the towel and give up. I would tell myself that it would be so much easier to just stay home. But then I would be missing this time that I am filled up as a mom. Or I would tell myself it would just be easier if I brought her with me. But then she would never become comfortable in the nursery and I wouldn't have the full affect of this time.

It is so important to carve out this time and to stick with it! I feel like I'm a better mom todaybecause of that time I had yesterday. And in two weeks, I'm going to need it again!

So, if you're a mom in a similar situation, my encouragement to you is to stick with it! The benefits far outweigh the frustrations and/or struggles of the moment.

6 months Goes By So Quickly...

Well, its been well over a month since I've posted anything. I have officially been home full-time since mid-September and I have loved every moment! I feel complete peace with this decision and I've seen time and time again how being home has been a good thing for our family.

Rilyn is 6 months now...and I'm really noticing how much things are changing. For instance, she is starting to sit up on her own for a few minutes at a time! I know that the next few months of discovery are going to be so fun.

Here is a picture I took a few months ago when Rilyn started sitting in her play seat. Her feet didn't touch the floor and I wanted to make sure to remember that...

...well now my sweet little Rilyn is standing up in the play seat! I captured this picture this morning. Its only a matter of time before she's moving around on her own!

And yesterday, Rilyn was in the play seat in the kitchen and I walked away for a few minutes and came back to find she had moved the seat across the room into the fridge. She was so proud of herself! :)

Current Status: No Margin

Over the last four weeks, I have been processing this concept of "margin" in my life. Actually its more than just processing, God has been hammering me with it!

In July, I gave my work notice that I would be leaving. But, I agreed to stay on until they found someone to replace me (big mistake not to give a specific date...but I was trying to be nice! Trust me, I learned my lesson.) I've been working full-time for the last four weeks and it has done nothing but confirm my decision to stay home with Rilyn. Not just for Rilyn's sake, but also for my husband and for me.

Initially, I made the decision to stay home logistically for Rilyn. Aside from my struggle with leaving her all day with a babysitter, financially it just didn't make sense. Most of the money I would make would go to her sitters.

But since I've returned to work, I've gained a new and even greater perspective on why it is important for me to be home. Margin.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in motherhood. Being at work all day, even just sitting at a desk, is exhausting. And being a mom, especially to an infant, means no rest time once I get home. I go through the motions of taking care of Rilyn and trying to be in the moment with her, but I'm not mentally there.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in my marriage. Having my work hat on, then immediately switching to my mommy hat also places challenges on my wife hat, which in my mind should be on before the others. It is important that I am available to support my husband both at home and in ministry. In the last four weeks, I haven't had as much to give as I'd like. Yes, my marriage could survive in this atmosphere, but I want it to thrive. I want to be an active partner with my husband in life and ministry, but right now its taking a lot of work to be more than passing ships in the night. I'm a better mom to Rilyn if I'm a better wife to my husband first. If I'm being honest, in the last four weeks, I find myself being Mom first, Wife second. Rilyn's needs are screaming at me (literally screaming sometimes). Matt doesn't need me to feed, bathe, change or hold him. Being home will provide me the needed margin to set my priorities straight.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in my faith and ministry. Sadly, what little time I was finding in the last few months with God, has become nothing. I'll be honest, yesterday was the first time in four weeks that I even opened my Bible. I'm empty. And you can't (or shouldn't) serve out of your emptiness. Romans 15:13 (The Message) says, "May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!" I can't be filled with "the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit" without spending quality time with my Savior.

Last year, I stepped down from leading a high school girls small group because I didn't have the time or energy working full time and being pregnant. I wasn't able to have the deep relationships with the girls that I used to have. And I miss that. In the last four weeks, I've had several ministry opportunities that I just haven't been able to do because I've had to make my family a priority with what little amount I had available.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin for me. Being home will also allow me to find time for me. This summer, I had a weekly play date with some other mom friends. I miss that time! I struggle adding friends into the mix when I don't even have quality time with my family. I also struggle with not feeling guilty when I go have some "me" time. I feel like I should be spending that time with Matt and Rilyn. I don't even have time to update this blog! Once I'm home full time, there will be more of a balance and more margin for personal time.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

I understand that staying home isn't the answer for everyone. But I do believe that its not only for the sake of a child; its also for the family, marriage and personal lives of those who choose that. I don't think enough people take that into consideration. I'm not quiting my job because life is too difficult. I'm choosing to prioritize.

Yes, I could find a better paying job. But is that necessary? No, not for us. Yes, we will be giving up nice vacations and Starbucks. But finding margin for the more important things in my life is so worth it!

New Profession: Mom

I've always known that I wanted to be a mom and deep down I wanted to stay home with my children. My mom stayed home and I really appreciated having her home and available all through my childhood...especially in my teen years!

Rilyn's arrival confirmed all of my desires to raise my family at home. It was a little harder to convince Matt as he had major concerns about providing for our family, which I appreciate that he even thinks about that! So, I told him that I would continue to work if that's what he felt we needed to do. All summer, I was preparing myself to return to work. The closer and closer it came, the harder and harder it was for me to think about leaving her. I'm sure most, if not all, moms feel or have felt the same way.

The tipping point for us is when we figured up how much we would be spending in childcare. Despite the incredible deals that people were going to give us, more than half of my income would be going to having other people take care of Rilyn. That just didn't sit well with us. I couldn't see the benefit of being gone from Rilyn every single day, all day, for a few hundred dollars a month.

After much prayer and conversation, we made the decision that I would stay home to raise our family. I'm so excited!!! This is going to be a season of trusting God but I'm anxious to see where he takes our little family. I've turned in my resignation but told them I'll stay until they find my replacement and I train them.

I find it interesting that God has been preparing us for this. Our first month of marriage, we took a class called "Financial Peace". Because of that class, we have never truly lived off my income. It has mostly gone to paying off our school debt. But we still enjoyed the extra income to go on vacations and drink lots of Starbucks. :) Then, last December our church did a challenge called "750 in the black". Basically we were all challenged to either start tithing or double our tithe to the church and also invite friends to see what God was doing. Matt and I were really stretched financially during this challenge -- which was incredible for us! It was a great time of learning how to trust God with our money and changed our view of money.

Now that I'm not working, we're making much less than we did in December 2009 and yet, everything is panning out. Once again, we're having to trust God. Its an exciting adventure yet again!

Just look at that smile! She's so worth it!

E-Mealz - Sausage Lasagna

I just had to start today's post with this cute picture of Rilyn. She had fallen asleep during "Belly Time". The Dr told us that we needed to do more belly time because her head was a little misshapen.

Wednesday's E-Mealz meal was a Sausage Lasagna. Rilyn and I had a good time preparing dinner and some of the other elements for meals later in the week. For instance, I'm making Chicken Enchiladas on Saturday, so while I was preparing the lasagna I went ahead and boiled all of the chicken so it is already done. I've been making notes on each meal to remember in the future what I liked and what element I would change in the future -- I was not a fan of the Italian Sausage that the lasagna recipe called for, so next time I'll just use regular Sausage.

I just downloaded next week's Meal plan. I'm a little nervous because there are some things that we don't normally enjoy (curry, Thai peanut sauce) but I'm determined to try it at least once. Maybe if I make it, I'll enjoy it. :) However, Matt will be gone again next week so I'm not sure how many full meals I'll be making. Matt loved all of the meals this week -- success! Anyway, here is a picture of the Sausage Lasagna.

A Sports Fan Is Born

I walked into the room last night to find Matt and Rilyn watching the All-Star baseball game. Yes...Rilyn was watching the TV! A friend of mine stopped by and we had to actually turn the TV off to get Rilyn to look at anything else. My friend actually said "Wow, your baby is really watching TV!" A sports fan (well...maybe a TV fan) was born.

Last night's E-Mealz was another success! It was a chicken casserole dish that I slightly edited to include more vegetables and I used biscuits instead of the onion crunchies it called for. In talking with my Mom, she brought up a good point with E-Mealz -- the ladies who create the E-Mealz plans are based in Alabama, so the deals that they find aren't necessarily the same at our stores here in Illinois. However, I'm not just paying for them to find the good deals...I'm also paying for the time saving plan. I've gone ahead and edited some of the meals based on what is on sale at my Wal-mart and what we will eat.

Recalled Crib

Love this picture of Rilyn just staring at her daddy!

So far Rilyn has been sleeping in a bassinet that is on her pack and play. Its inclined so she doesn't sleep flat on her back. We decided that this weekend we would try to transition her to the crib as its more like what she'll be sleeping on when we go to visit family.

I bought the crib last fall at a garage sale and a friend of mine kept telling me to make sure there wasn't a recall on it. I kept thinking it was a good idea but I was sure it was fine. Well, I decided to check on it and sure enough, our crib was recalled due to several deaths and injuries. In looking at pictures, I realized the defective part had been broken once before and fixed on our crib, so I did not feel comfortable moving her to it.

So, I called up Walmart and told them I didn't have a receipt but the crib was recalled, I gave them the model number and they said they would replace it. So yesterday, we hauled the crib to Walmart and the lady hands us cash for it! I thought they would replace it with one of their own, but nope! So, we then headed to Toys R Us and are going to purchase one from there.

Moral of the story: If you have a used crib, check it out before you put it up :)

Roads to Motherhood

Rilyn's doctor appointment went very well. She has grown 2 inches and is now 8 lbs, 4 oz. She had a shot yesterday, so she was a little fussy all afternoon but by last night she was back to her snuggly smiley self.

During Rilyn's nap this morning, I started browsing some friends' blogs as I've not had the opportunity to read them for the last month. I was reading my friend Rachael's blog and it really got me thinking about all the different roads to motherhood. Rachael and her husband have become foster parents in the hope of eventually starting a family in this way. They just received their first placement around the time Rilyn was born -- four children ages 5 to 2 days! Yes...you read that right a sibling group of FOUR! I thought I was going through some major changes with one baby but Rachael definitely has her hands full!

moth·er ¹ (mŭÞˈər)

noun

1. a. A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child.
   b. A female person whose egg unites with a sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.
   c. A woman who adopts a child.
   d. A woman who raises a child.
   
   
   The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition Copyright © 2010 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Each journey towards motherhood is different. Some people adopt -- either out of a desire to start a family or to add to their family. My mom talks a lot about adopting for the sake of the child; meaning that a child needs a family and your family may be just what they need. You can read more about their adoption journey here.

Some people feel the call to open their home to foster children but never adopt. These women are still mothers -- they are caring and providing for a child in need who is under their care and supervision. While they hope to eventually adopt, my friend Rachael has taken on this placement fully knowing that the hope is to reunite them with their parent(s). They've decided to use this placement as a ministry. This is incredible to me as I'm sure it will be very hard to get close to these children and then have to give them back. What strength! People do this all of the time for the sake of the children.

Some people build their families through pregnancy. But even this can look different for every woman. Some have no complications getting pregnant, while others do. Some aren't able to carry a pregnancy so another woman carries it for them.

As I've been thinking about this today, one thing continues to go through my mind. It doesn't matter how you get there, all roads lead to the same destination -- motherhood.

I'm a mom :)

Not really sure what to post today. My life really revolves around Rilyn right now. Rilyn eats, sleeps and fills her diaper and I facilitate and manage all of those things. Pretty routine.

I'm amazed at how much she has changed in four weeks. She's already holding her head up alot and she is starting to coo a little. She's looking around and will really focus on your face. LOVE IT!

Rilyn has been a wonderful baby, already sleeping through the night. After having three nights of her crying all night long and sleeping all day, we decided to start what I called "sleep training". We've tried to stick to a schedule as much as possible. Basically, she nurses, then she has awake time (I love this time because she is so alert and we have some good bonding time) and then I put her down in her crib for naptime. She cries for a few minutes but puts herself to sleep and sleeps well. I've been amazed at how her demeanor has changed. She was really fussy when she wasn't sleeping at night. She's back to the happy Rilyn!

Here are some more pictures:

Rilyn is 3 Weeks!

We don't have internet at home, so its been difficult to find time to get online and post anything. But its been a wonderful 3 weeks with Rilyn! She is a great baby -- already sleeping through the night just waking for one feeding. There for a few days she had her days and nights mixed up but we finally got past that.

A quick funny...Matt has been great about encouraging me to leave the house for a few hours a week on my own without Rilyn. So the other night I went to a local coffee shop to get online and I told Matt to text me when she wakes up. Here's a glimpse into the conversation that happened when Rilyn woke up:

8:15 pm

Matt: Just so you know Rilyn woke up, but take your time in coming home.

8:30 pm

Matt: Rilyn is hungry.

Anne: Ok I'll leave in a few minutes.

8:35 pm

Matt: Rilyn is REALLY hungry (see picture below)

Rilyn Grace McClane

Clearly, I'm a new mom because my blog has been neglected in the last week. I'm hoping to post soon, but in the mean time, here are some pictures of Rilyn.

Rilyn Grace McClane

7 lbs. 6 oz

April 26, 2010

1:40pm

39 Weeks and Counting!

I found this message on my facebook this morning from one of our former youth group students, Kelsey, who is near and dear to my heart. Made me laugh and I thought I'd share it here.

Dear Baby Girl,
I hope you're having fun swimming around in your mommy's belly but the time is near for you to come in to the world! There are something’s I would like to inform you of before your arrival. First, you have the greatest parents....I know, I know...you're probably rolling your eyes right now but seriously...you do. Second, even though your dad might tell you to be Cardinals and Michigan fan, he's wrong. He hit his head as a young child and never learned the ways of living in Illinois. You will be a beautiful cubs & illini fan :) Third, I want to warn you of your parent’s addiction. One word...starbucks. Stay far, far away. Well, I think that's all I needed to tell you for now. Don't worry; I'll continue to share my wisdom with you as soon as I meet you :) I love you baby girl. Be nice to your mommy on the way out. See you soon!
Love,
Kelsey

Today I am 39 weeks! Any time now, we'll be meeting our little girl. I'm getting very excited. My entire pregnancy I've been very content with the fact that Baby Girl won't be here until April 29th or later. Yesterday, I had a major mind shift. People kept saying to me "She'll be here this week" or "Be prepared for her to come early!". I was trying hard not to get excited at that possibility but I failed, and I was a little disappointed to find out at the Dr appointment yesterday that I was 1.5 cm and no more effaced than last week.

So...April 29th it is! For my sanity's sake, I'm going back to my old mindset. My baby will arrive when she's ready and we're ready whenever she is.

Weird Baby Items

I've been popping in and out of Knee Deep in the Baby Pool (can't remember how I even stumbled upon her blog), and came across this hilarious blog post, so I thought I'd share it with you.

So I've come across some pretty weird products in my time searching for baby gear. Some are just too good to not share with you. I have to laugh that somewhere, someone MUST be buying this stuff.

Every baby needs a pair of creepy zombie hands to hold them in place right? Then, try The Zaky:


I'm totally going to buy these for my friends who are having girls. Because why not teach girls early that women wear shoes that are cute, not comfortable?


Need some extra hands, but your little person is hungry. Try thePacifeeder:


Maybe the already-moms can disprove this one. But this sure looks like a lot more work to me than just carrying the thing. Or using a sling or wrap. Flying Falcon


With The Baby Keeper there's no worries about where to put your baby when you go to the bathroom. Or for that matter, hang your baby on any door to get a few things done around the house.

38 Weeks

Baby Girl To-Do List

We are closing into the final weeks! Tomorrow, I'll be 38 weeks. Yesterday we had a Dr appointment and I was 1 cm dilated, which she warned I could be for weeks. But she did tell me that I better get my bags packed. Which got me thinking of the list of to-dos that we have. We're almost there!

Clean out entryway
Organize entryway closets
Take Rummage Sale items to church
Move Hope Chest to living room
Move chest of drawers into our bedroom
Put together bookshelf
Window Cover for nursery
Decorate Walls in Nursery
Pick a name for Baby Girl
Choose a Baby Dr
Install Car seat (Matt just texted me that he's taking care of this. YAY!)
Pack for the hospital
Address birth announcements

I'm very excited about how easy its been to keep our house clean since my family came and helped us finalize all of the decluttering. What was taking me months, only took my family 1 1/2 days to finish up. But I'm much more inclined to keep things picked up, since everything has a home and a place. Which brings me to the shoe shelf my dad built us. Doesn't it look awesome! This area used to be cluttered with all kinds of junk that we would just pile up. I'll have to post some before pictures if I can find them.

Reminds me of the verse "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace" 1 Corinthians 14:33. I love my peaceful home!

37 1/2 Weeks -- Tour of Baby Girl's Room and a Dance Party :)

I'm 37 1/2 weeks now. Its crazy to think that in a few weeks our little girl will be here. Honestly, that thought terrifies and excites me all at the same time. I think the unknown is what terrifies me. I don't know what contractions and labor is going to be like. Will we make it to the hospital in time? Will I be able to emotionally balance this whole experience? All of those thoughts overwhelm me. But I also know that I have an awesome support system in my husband, who has been listening to all of my fears and tears in the last week or so. And I know that our families are a huge support as well. So I'm excited to meet this little one too! Excited to see what she looks like.

I finally was able to borrow a camera from one of our students, so here are some pictures of Baby Girl's room. Pretty simplistic.

And lastly, I caught some quick footage of Baby Girl having a dance party in my belly. :)

Matt Getting His Practice In To Be A Daddy! :)

35 1/2 Weeks!

I'm now 35 1/2 weeks... only a few more to go! We've lost both of our cameras so these pictures from my computer's camera will have to do for now. :)

From Baby Bump

From Baby Bump

My Top 10...Milestones of Pregnancy

10. Finding out I was pregnant

I had an inkling that I was pregnant, so on my lunch break I went to Walmart to get some tests, but waited until I got home. When Matt got home I told him I thought I might be, so I went to take the test. Matt really wasn't fully aware of how that process worked, and how fast it would be, so he answered a phone call. Immediately the stick turned blue! I yelled out of the bathroom that he better get off the phone!! I told him it was positive and we were both a little stunned. He made me take another one...and after that one came out positive he started to tell me to take a third! But I told him two was enough :)

9. Telling our family we were pregnant

My brother was the first to know, because I had to tell someone and I knew he wouldn't be there when we were planning on telling my family. For Matt's mom and my parents, we bought them cards that had babies all over the front and it said "Goo Goo Gaa Gaa". The inside said, "That's baby talk for Congratulations!" Underneath we wrote, "Baby McClane debuting April 29!". Since we weren't able to tell them in person, we called Matt's dad and step-mom. They were all very excited.

8. 1st Sonogram

It was an amazing experience to see our little blob! :) The reality that we were going to have a baby hit us in that moment. It was very cool to experience that with Matt.

7. Feeling Baby Girl kick

I don't really remember a specific 1st time moment (I wish I had written it down). But I do remember the early sensations of movements. Never really felt the "butterflies" that people talk about...it just felt like a rolling sensation.

6. 1st time Matt felt Baby Girl kick

December 27, 2009. :) One date that I kept track of. I think he was expecting it to be more than what it was. She wasn't moving much at that point...it was like a little hiccup. But he could definitely feel her!

5. Shopping/Dreaming with Matt

We've really enjoyed going to the store and looking at all of the baby stuff. Makes it more of a reality that we're having a baby -- and it starts us talking about the future.

4. Naming Baby Girl

Still no name -- but we've had fun thinking about names. Looking at the Name Books is often more humorous than helpful.

3. Reaching 20 Weeks -- halfway there!

I remember this being a big moment for me. The reality that I was halfway done with my pregnancy was exciting but nerve-wracking all at the same time. To think we only have 6 weeks left is crazy!

2. Baby Classes

This was a great experience with Matt! It was full of helpful information for both of us, and was very eye opening for Matt. Also provided some humor too. :)

1. Latest Sonogram -- Baby Girl's chin

For both of us, this was a cool sonogram, because we got a great view of Baby Girl's face -- she has her daddy's chin! For the first time, I was anxious to see what she is going to look like.

33 1/2 weeks!

I attended my first Hearts at Home conference this weekend! Ironically, the two workshops I attended were ones in which my parents were speaking. :) My dad did an awesome job! This was the first time he did a workshop all by himself. The topic was "5 Secrets Your Husband Wish You Knew." Powerful stuff! In fact, there was standing room only! Women were seated all over the floor and out into the hallway. So proud of him!

Then, my parents also gave a workshop based on their new book, "Living on Less so Your Family Has More". GREAT BOOK! I picked it up to just see what it was about and I ended up reading the whole thing that night!

BABY UPDTATE - I spent a lot of time on my feet this weekend at Hearts and ended up with some very swollen feet. Normal for pregnancy. However, yesterday my left foot looked normal but the right foot was still extremely swollen. So I called the Dr and they brought me in. After checking the pulse in my leg he said everything was fine. He then started the exam and said, "Wow! Big Baby! She's measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of herself." I'm 33.5 weeks, and she's measuring at 35. So I'll be going in for another ultrasound here in a few weeks for them to "weigh" her. He said if it starts looking like a high 8 lb. or 9 lb baby they'll probably induce. Not a fan of that idea but will know more in a few weeks.

My sister in law, Julie, threw me a shower in my hometown this weekend. It was really neat to have people who have been a part of my life for a long time be there. Many of these women who were mentors or leaders in my life when I was younger, are now friends. Its cool how that works out.