We Made It! My MOPS Journey

I know I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time, but I felt like this was blogworthy. Rilyn made it through an entire MOPS morning! This is 5 MONTHS in the making!

In November I decided that I needed to find something for me as a mom. Staying cooped up all winter wasn't an option. And I also wanted something with childcare, because I knew that having that time for me was important. I'm not in a place to start something on my own, so I started researching what was available in my area. (If you're looking try MOPS or Meetup.com) I found a MOPS group about 15 minutes from my home and decided to try it. This was huge for me, because I went completely on my own! I was nervous but excited at the same time.

I dropped Rilyn off in the nursery and was excited at the prospect of two whole hours of adult conversation, no one else eating off my plate and being challenged! Rilyn, however, was not a fan. After thirty minutes, they came and got me.

This has been my experience every single time since. Sometimes, I was able to get her to sleep and go back; other times, I had to bring her back with me. Each week, I would drop off Rilyn and feel a little bad that the care takers had to "deal" with her. I felt like none of the other mothers were dealing with this. But I also knew that eventually Rilyn would becomecomfortable in there and I didn't want to cave.

Yesterday, I looked at the clock and to my surprise there were only 15 minutes left! She made it! What a relief!

There were so many times I wanted to throw in the towel and give up. I would tell myself that it would be so much easier to just stay home. But then I would be missing this time that I am filled up as a mom. Or I would tell myself it would just be easier if I brought her with me. But then she would never become comfortable in the nursery and I wouldn't have the full affect of this time.

It is so important to carve out this time and to stick with it! I feel like I'm a better mom todaybecause of that time I had yesterday. And in two weeks, I'm going to need it again!

So, if you're a mom in a similar situation, my encouragement to you is to stick with it! The benefits far outweigh the frustrations and/or struggles of the moment.

Reflections for New Moms

Someone shared this video with me and it was so encouraging to me as a new mom! My advice to new moms:

1. Relax! Its very easy to think that you have to be perfect or do things a certain way. Babies are very forgiving!
2. Within the first month, go on a date with your husband. Or if you are single, make sure to get some you time. Matt and I took advantage of my mom being there in the first week, so we got away for an hour.

What would you tell yourself if you could go back to before your first baby?

Current Status: No Margin

Over the last four weeks, I have been processing this concept of "margin" in my life. Actually its more than just processing, God has been hammering me with it!

In July, I gave my work notice that I would be leaving. But, I agreed to stay on until they found someone to replace me (big mistake not to give a specific date...but I was trying to be nice! Trust me, I learned my lesson.) I've been working full-time for the last four weeks and it has done nothing but confirm my decision to stay home with Rilyn. Not just for Rilyn's sake, but also for my husband and for me.

Initially, I made the decision to stay home logistically for Rilyn. Aside from my struggle with leaving her all day with a babysitter, financially it just didn't make sense. Most of the money I would make would go to her sitters.

But since I've returned to work, I've gained a new and even greater perspective on why it is important for me to be home. Margin.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in motherhood. Being at work all day, even just sitting at a desk, is exhausting. And being a mom, especially to an infant, means no rest time once I get home. I go through the motions of taking care of Rilyn and trying to be in the moment with her, but I'm not mentally there.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in my marriage. Having my work hat on, then immediately switching to my mommy hat also places challenges on my wife hat, which in my mind should be on before the others. It is important that I am available to support my husband both at home and in ministry. In the last four weeks, I haven't had as much to give as I'd like. Yes, my marriage could survive in this atmosphere, but I want it to thrive. I want to be an active partner with my husband in life and ministry, but right now its taking a lot of work to be more than passing ships in the night. I'm a better mom to Rilyn if I'm a better wife to my husband first. If I'm being honest, in the last four weeks, I find myself being Mom first, Wife second. Rilyn's needs are screaming at me (literally screaming sometimes). Matt doesn't need me to feed, bathe, change or hold him. Being home will provide me the needed margin to set my priorities straight.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in my faith and ministry. Sadly, what little time I was finding in the last few months with God, has become nothing. I'll be honest, yesterday was the first time in four weeks that I even opened my Bible. I'm empty. And you can't (or shouldn't) serve out of your emptiness. Romans 15:13 (The Message) says, "May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!" I can't be filled with "the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit" without spending quality time with my Savior.

Last year, I stepped down from leading a high school girls small group because I didn't have the time or energy working full time and being pregnant. I wasn't able to have the deep relationships with the girls that I used to have. And I miss that. In the last four weeks, I've had several ministry opportunities that I just haven't been able to do because I've had to make my family a priority with what little amount I had available.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin for me. Being home will also allow me to find time for me. This summer, I had a weekly play date with some other mom friends. I miss that time! I struggle adding friends into the mix when I don't even have quality time with my family. I also struggle with not feeling guilty when I go have some "me" time. I feel like I should be spending that time with Matt and Rilyn. I don't even have time to update this blog! Once I'm home full time, there will be more of a balance and more margin for personal time.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

I understand that staying home isn't the answer for everyone. But I do believe that its not only for the sake of a child; its also for the family, marriage and personal lives of those who choose that. I don't think enough people take that into consideration. I'm not quiting my job because life is too difficult. I'm choosing to prioritize.

Yes, I could find a better paying job. But is that necessary? No, not for us. Yes, we will be giving up nice vacations and Starbucks. But finding margin for the more important things in my life is so worth it!

Roads to Motherhood

Rilyn's doctor appointment went very well. She has grown 2 inches and is now 8 lbs, 4 oz. She had a shot yesterday, so she was a little fussy all afternoon but by last night she was back to her snuggly smiley self.

During Rilyn's nap this morning, I started browsing some friends' blogs as I've not had the opportunity to read them for the last month. I was reading my friend Rachael's blog and it really got me thinking about all the different roads to motherhood. Rachael and her husband have become foster parents in the hope of eventually starting a family in this way. They just received their first placement around the time Rilyn was born -- four children ages 5 to 2 days! Yes...you read that right a sibling group of FOUR! I thought I was going through some major changes with one baby but Rachael definitely has her hands full!

moth·er ¹ (mŭÞˈər)

noun

1. a. A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child.
   b. A female person whose egg unites with a sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.
   c. A woman who adopts a child.
   d. A woman who raises a child.
   
   
   The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition Copyright © 2010 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Each journey towards motherhood is different. Some people adopt -- either out of a desire to start a family or to add to their family. My mom talks a lot about adopting for the sake of the child; meaning that a child needs a family and your family may be just what they need. You can read more about their adoption journey here.

Some people feel the call to open their home to foster children but never adopt. These women are still mothers -- they are caring and providing for a child in need who is under their care and supervision. While they hope to eventually adopt, my friend Rachael has taken on this placement fully knowing that the hope is to reunite them with their parent(s). They've decided to use this placement as a ministry. This is incredible to me as I'm sure it will be very hard to get close to these children and then have to give them back. What strength! People do this all of the time for the sake of the children.

Some people build their families through pregnancy. But even this can look different for every woman. Some have no complications getting pregnant, while others do. Some aren't able to carry a pregnancy so another woman carries it for them.

As I've been thinking about this today, one thing continues to go through my mind. It doesn't matter how you get there, all roads lead to the same destination -- motherhood.