Mary's Story

I am finally finishing up the book "A Lineage of Grace" by Francine Rivers. Francine does such an incredible job of making people in the Bible come to life and this book has really brought to life 5 women who I have never really given much thought to before. They are 5 women in the lineage of Jesus who made some interesting choices, and one would think "Why would God choose her to be a part of Jesus' lineage" but he did, which brings me hope!

The final story is Mary's. I wasn't really looking forward to reading it because I felt like I knew her story...we hear it every Christmas. But now, I have a different perspective. I've been pregnant and I'm now a mom.

I was telling Matt some of my thoughts about why I thought it was interesting that Mary was engaged and not single when this all happened and thought I'd share them here.

• God's timing and plans are perfect! He chose a woman who was engaged to be married. I never thought how important this was until now. You see, in Mary's time, her being pregnant was enough reason to be stoned to death. The only way she (and her baby) survived is because of her fiance, Joseph, who was God-fearing and stood up for her. Had she not been engaged to be married, its very possible she would have died.
• Being pregnant is difficult and exhausting! Could you imagine being pregnant in her time? Sleeping on the hard floor, dust everywhere...AND she decided to make a long journey to visit her best friend Elizabeth while she was pregnant AND she had to travel to Bethlehem for the census. No thanks! She needed support...which is another reason why God's timing is perfect...she was engaged, then married, to Joseph. Again, had Joseph not been around she would have been killed or disowned by her family.
• Finally, I think God was creating a picture of what He desires "family" to look like. Had Mary been pregnant and single, it would have said there is no need for a man to be a part of the family unit. Fathers aren't necessary. But instead he chose a couple, in the perfect circumstances, that would parent Jesus together. He created a family unit.

I love when scripture comes alive. I would definitely suggest you read this book!

Opposite Sex: Emotional Purity

For the last four weeks, Matt has been doing a series called "Opposite Sex" with our high school students. He's been talking about guy and girl relationships and how God calls us to a lifestyle that is "Opposite" of culture's. Tonight, he preached from Genesis 29:1-30:24, the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel. I had always seen Jacob's pursuit and waiting of Rachel as romantic or sweet, but in actuality Jacob waisted 14 years of his life, pining over this woman. Really interesting perspective!

After Matt's message, we split the kids up between guys and girls. I was really praying about how to drive home this message of purity -- both emotional and physical. God reminded me of this great visual that I had read about on Heather Patenaude's Emotional Purity Blog. So last minute (while Matt was preaching) I ran around to grab supplies and kind of made this analogy my own.

I gave each girl a heart and I asked them to write out what makes them special or unique. Some of the things girls wrote down were: family, God, spaghetti, a boyfriend, friends, concerts, singing, plays, individuality, and so on. They covered their heart with these words.

Then, I gave them a black piece of paper with the word boyfriend across the top. I gave them each a glue stick and asked them to glue their heart to boy #1, their "high school sweetheart". I used Heather's term of "heart glue" and how when we have a relationship with a guy, we stick to them -- even if we are "just friends" but act like boyfriend and girlfriend without the title.

I said that statistically they will break up with their "high school sweetheart" and so we ripped the heart off after 5 minutes. Several girls left quite a bit of their hearts behind, while others seemed to get their full heart back. But what was interesting was all the black on the back of their hearts. We talked about how they may look good on the outside, but on the inside they still have a connection to that guy.

We continued to do this with boy #2 (their college boyfriend) and boy #3. By this time, their hearts were paper thin, ripped or barely there. It was interesting to hear what the girls had "left behind" with the guys. One girl said, "Boy #2 has God!" While another said, "Individuality was left with boy #3." The conversation was running rampant with this analogy! It was so awesome!

Finally, I gave them a white piece of

paper with the word "husband" across the top. I asked them to glue their heart onto this piece of paper. One girl said, "My heart can't take this anymore, I'm using extra glue so it doesn't come off!" Another girl's heart looked completely "normal" but she saw that you could see all the black on the back of the heart through the white paper. We talked about what was left for your future spouse -- a broken and grimy heart. But we also made sure to talk about the restoration of God and how he can even use broken, gross hearts and create an awesome marriage! I wanted the girls to see that the decisions they make now may seem harmless or "fun" but they can have lasting consequences.

Finally, I encouraged them to start praying for their future husband. I told them that somewhere out there was a guy going on his own journey. This was the perfect time to start praying for him! I shared that I had started a prayer journal for my future husband in Jr High and actually gave it to Matt as a gift on our wedding day. Its really interesting to see the things God placed on my heart to be praying about and how Matt may have been facing a situation in his life at that moment that needed my specific prayer. Or how I only prayed for my husband's sisters, never any brothers. Matt has two sister, no brothers. Back to tonight, I gave each girl a print out that my youth pastor's wife had given me of a prayer for your future husband. You can find a copy here.

All in all, it was an awesome night and it seemed to really drive home this whole month's discussion on Opposite Sex. So, thank you Heather for sharing that craft idea so long ago! It definitely came in handy tonight!

Pictures are from Heather's blog, not from our experience tonight. But they basically looked the same :)

Couples Night

North Point (in Winthrop Harbor) is hosting its first Couple's Night on Friday November 14th at 7pm. Thats a week from this Friday!  Tickets are only $15 per couple and it includes a delicious meal!  Please get you tickets soon so we know how many to plan for.  If you are familiar with the Farrel's you know what a fun and entertaining night this will be!  So come and hang out with us for a fun and relaxing night!  Tickets are available on Sunday or through the church office.  Whether you attend North Point or not, everyone is welcome!  Hope you all can come, oh - and why not bring a couple with you, invite someone to come along!

The Don't Song

The Don't Song -- HILARIOUS and Great! Make sure to share with your husbands. :)

Prayer

When Matt and I were first dating, someone from his church gave me a book, "The Power of a Praying Wife." I was a little weirded out at first because we were not married...had barely talked about marriage! But I was curious and opened it up. It was really cool because it was a wonderful guide to praying for my man.

This morning, I was once again reminded of what a valuable tool that book is. There are many times I am praying for Matt but don't have the words and I pull out this book. Often, as I am praying the prayers written, it helps me to focus beyond myself and my desires and truly, unconditionally pray for him.

I would recommend this book! Pick up your copy TODAY! :)

Don't Know What To Call This...

I had an emotional melt down last night...I can't imagine what was going on in Matt's brain at the time but he was so patient with me.

As I was driving home last night, I talked to my mom about Evan's wedding and how we are leaving today for Matt's hometown and when I got off the phone I had a wave of emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. Instantly, I missed living close to family. Matt and I pulled into the driveway at the same time and he opened my door only to find tears running down my face. I silently cried all the way into the house but once Matt asked me what was wrong -- a fresh wave of tears and sobs poured out. He just hugged me as I cried and cried and cried.

Matt: Let's go sit down.

Me: (As I was sobbing) No, we have to clean the house.

Me: (Taking a deep breath as I let out a loud sob) But I don't want to clean! (as a full sob session begins again -- mind you...this has nothing to do with cleaning my house and I still have no clue why suddenly that is what came out of my mouth)

I was so exhausted and emotionally wasted that nothing was making sense and Matt just hugged me again as the sobbing continued. What a guy! He stayed up extremely late cleaning my house and doing laundry as I slept. Its in the really hard times that I am especially thankful that I have such a supportive and understanding husband!

27 Dresses - Reality Check!

Preparation for Girls small group has been looming in front of me for several days. Through different circumstances, I am now the only person leading for the summer, so prep is all on me. I began to really dread it, so I just decided that last night was going to be a "Girls Night". I rented 27 Dresses and got Ice Cream and toppings. (You can't have a Girls Night without junk food!)

It was a lot of fun hanging out with my girls and watching the movie. It sparked conversation and brought out the girly side in all of us. A funny thing started to happen at all of the romantic parts - a collective "AWWW!" would erupt throughout my apartment. The "AWWW!" said so much more than, Isn't that sweet!. Each girl has a desire to be pursued like that - but many times how we dream of it happening - and how its portrayed in movies - is perfection. Perfection isn't reality.

"It doesn't happen like this in real life" I yelled out. "Says the girl who got proposed to on the Eiffel Tower" one of my girls said. Sure, that moment was awesome and Matt reminds me often of what a great job he did. But that incredible moment lasted seconds, then back to reality! How do I talk to my girls about this and make sure they hear me? I couldn't come up with anything brilliant (How did my youth pastors' wives do that? They always came up with something brilliant that would challenge me in that moment and stuck with me forever!) but at least the conversation was started.

Matt and I are pretty transparent with our students - we don't fake perfection. Several of our students don't have parents that have healthy relationships - so ours is the only one they're exposed to. We've talked with them about how hard relationships are and that they take a lot of work. It was pretty cool when I heard through the grapevine that one of our students had said she wanted a marriage like ours.

Whether we realize it or not - teenagers are watching and listening! Let's just hope that what they are soaking up isn't perceived perfection - but hard-working-and-rewarding reality.

Au Revoir!

Matt and I leave tomorrow for our cruise and I am very excited! I can't wait! Hopefully I will quickly get my sea legs. We get back on July 3.

My parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary yesterday! Congratulations Mom and Dad! My mom wrote a really cool post on everything she didn't know before she got married. I would encourage you to go read it! My dad also posted about their 25 years.

My brother sent me this video from his mission trip to Romania. Its quite a long video - but the second song that is played (starting at 4:20) is Evan singing - he has a gorgeous voice! Enjoy!

Heart Glue

My mom always told me when I was younger that my heart was like a piece of pie and each time I was in a "serious" relationship I was giving a piece of my "pie" away. I was reading my friend Heather's Emotional Purity blog and she blogged about another awesome visual regarding emotional purity:

Are you looking for a craft to help your pre-teen or young teen understand the concept of emotional purity?

Yesterday, I taught the 7th grade girls at our church. I knew I needed a good visual aid for them and this craft idea came to me.

I gave them each a heart with the words: emotions, feelings, dreams, goals, respect, trust, hopes, passions, and devotion written all over the heart.

Then I gave them a black piece of construction paper with boyfriends written on the top of it. I explained that emotional purity is about guarding your heart, saving it for your mate.

Then I glued their heart to their "high school sweet heart". I explained that our hearts have the ability to stick to boys, I call it heart glue. About five minutes laters we tore the heart off of the boyfriend.

They didn't like how much black they took on their heart and how much red was left on the black paper. I told them that their hearts are left with who ever they date and don't marry.

Then we glued their hearts to their "college boyfriend". He stayed put for about 10 minutes, which allowed it to really dry. When the girls "broke-up" with him, a lot of their hearts tore or ripped.

Then I glued a third boyfriend to their black paper. By this time, most of their hearts were thin, ripped and far from well put together.

As I was sharing more of the concept of emotional purity the girls started picking at the red paper that was left behind on the other two boyfriends. As they were picking I said, "See you're trying to get your heart back, but it's stuck with that boyfriend."

Finally, they ripped their heart off one last time.

At that time I pulled out a white piece of paper with husband written on the top of it. I went around and glued their ripped, thinned hearts on to their husbands.

Here are pictures of the one I tried at home before class:

I finally gave them a piece of paper with a perfect heart glued on to a paper that said husband. I wrote these two verses: Prov. 31:12: She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. And Prov. 4:23: Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.

I heald up the ripped up heart on one husband and the perfect heart of the second paper. I explained that these are their choices, to save their heart or not.

Do I Want to Hear the Truth?

I was running late this morning because I wanted just 15 more minutes in my nice warm bed. Then as I went to start the cars, I saw that there were 4 inches of snow on top of them, so I was now even later.

I ran back inside to grab my purse, was running out the door and then it hit me... I turned to Matt and said, "Shoot...I forgot makeup!" Then the dreaded question..."Do I really need it today?" What was Matt's response? Without even hesitating he says, "Yea you do...especially around your eyes."

I was so mad! How dare he tell me that I needed makeup today...especially around my eyes! I stomped to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror I saw my eyes did look tired, but that didn't matter. With each stroke of eyeshadow I was getting angrier and angrier...feeling shabbier and shabbier. Anger is ugly...and makeup can't cover that up!

I stomped out the door with Matt trailing behind me and I hear him say, "Remember that you asked me if you needed makeup." Well I didn't want to hear that either...

As I was driving to work what he said kept drifting through my head "Remember that you asked me...". I had asked him if I needed makeup. But in my mind I was asking, "Do you think I'm beautiful even though I don't have makeup on and my eyes look tired." I didn't want to hear the answer to the question that I had verbalized...I wanted to know the answer to the question in my heart...and Matt should have been able to read my mind! Or so I mistakenly thought.

The more and more I thought through what had happened, the more it hit me how wrong I had been. It was a simple question I had asked that could have had a simple response on my part...but I blew it out of proportion and caused strife between my husband and I. I could have chosen to say, "Thank you for telling me the truth" and quickly put on some eyeshadow and mascara. It would have saved me from a lot of ugliness and apologizing!

The Husband Song

Marriage Expiration Date: 7 years

I ran across this article today and was flabbergasted! Gabriele Pauli, a German politician, is stating that she believes marriage should have an expiration date of seven years.

"The basic approach is wrong ... many marriages last just because people believe they are safe," she told reporters. "My suggestion is that marriages expire after seven years."

I have read several responses to this article, and many people are agreeing and supporting this concept! One woman said on her blog

I love the idea. It would strengthen the bond between married couples, for sure. You would work harder every day to make things better because you'd know that your "date" was coming, and if you could just make it till then......It would be much less stressful than the current system, where everything is so monotonous because it goes on and on....

As newlyweds, Matt and I have been through a very growing year. We have poured hours upon hours of time and emotions into creating a bond that no one else has with either of us. We have screwed up and learned a lot. We have shared so many hard experiences and wonderful memories. Putting aside that I am not a supporter of divorce, I wouldn't want to repeat this process all over again!

Furthermore, if I knew that the "date" was coming, I would not try at all. What's the point of putting energy into something that is going away anyway?

I just can't believe marriage is approached so nonchalantly!

World's Worst DTRs

DTR or Define the Relationship conversations were a big thing when I was at Taylor University. People would see you walk down the sidewalk to class and immediately think "Are they dating?" so they would ask you and then you would get worried and so you would have to have a DTR. I had 3 when I was at Taylor and they are not very fun! All 3 were good guy friends and the DTR never ended very well. One of them ended a friendship forever.

But DTRs can also be very comical and it was fun to talk about them. Actually, my roommate once listened in on one of my DTRs by sitting right outside the room and it was hilarious to talk about afterwards (I know...that's horrible of me).

I honestly can't remember when Matt and I "defined the relationship". I remember having a serious conversation about how we felt about each other on one of our many late night walks on the quad. But I don't remember details. I'll have to ask him if he remembers.

Anyway, my friend Heather, author of the book and blog "Emotional Purity" wrote a great blog about DTRs. Check it out!

She had this video on her blog and it is hilarious!

Stop, Drop and Kiss

Article from Marriage Partnership Magazine

Stop, Drop, and Kiss
One small gesture sparked romantic evenings.
by Mandy Houk

A typical evening at five o'clock in our house would find me cooking dinner, my two small daughters desperately in need of a bath, and my ears perked, awaiting a magical sound—the garage door opener. This was the blessed signal that my husband, Pete, had arrived home from work. Yes! I'd think, mentally pumping my fist. Reinforcements!

As he came through the door, I'd give Pete a choice: "You want to make sure the rice doesn't boil over or get the girls in the tub?" And that was on a good day, when he walked in smiling.

If he dared to come home dragging and tired. … Well, game on, buddy. Get ready for the Exhaustion Olympics. "Oh, you would not believe the day I've had," I'd groan. "I did 14 loads of laundry, went to the grocery store, the post office, and the bank—not the ATM, mind you, the actual inside of the bank, standing for 45 minutes in that roped-off line." (Cue the dramatic sigh.) "You've got to help me with dinner; I'm about to keel over." So there.

Then our pastor began a series of messages on marriage. The first three focused on the husband's role. As I diligently took notes, I was struck by my great fortune in being married to Pete. He's tender, patient, tolerant of my insanity, generous, steadfast, loyal, and loving. By the third Sunday, I couldn't get all his wonderful qualities out of my mind. All day Monday I was preoccupied with the kind of thoughts I'd had when we were first falling in love. So when Pete arrived home that night, things weren't all that typical.

I was still cooking, and the girls were still filthy. But when I heard that garage door open, I didn't think, Reinforcements! I thought, Pete! As he rounded the corner into the kitchen, I dropped the spatula, turned, and gave him a hug and a kiss. Then I asked him to get the girls in the tub.

Later that evening, Pete told me he appreciated the way I'd greeted him. I was taken aback. Was the difference really dramatic enough to mention? I started to think, How do I normally treat him? As I mulled over my previous behavior, I realized I generally treated him like a roommate. Or on the Exhaustion Olympics days, like an adversary.

I didn't marry Pete to be my roommate. I chose him to be the love of my life. But I sure wasn't acting like it.

So the next day, I pulled out all the stops. Not only did I drop the spatula, I walked down the hall to greet him at the door. Pete isn't normally a big grinner. But his whole face crinkled into this amazing, toothy smile. For the rest of the evening, we were flirty and giggly. We even had a conversation over dinner, as opposed to simply refereeing our kids.

This was such a remarkable turn of events, Pete called our pastor the next day and reported me. My pastor then called me that afternoon and asked me to share my experience the following Sunday.

What was so significant about the spatula-dropping that inspired Pete not only to mention it to me, but to make a phone call to our clergyman? It had only been two days. When medicine works that quickly, they call it a wonder drug.

I asked Pete about it. After consideration, he said, "For those few moments, I was the top priority. There wasn't anything else going on, it was just you and me."

I pressed for more, but that really was it. His heart yearns for significance, attention, and acknowledgment, and my brazen act of dropping the spatula filled that need.

Apparently, Pete isn't alone. The Sunday after I told my story, the men were all abuzz. I was surrounded by smiling husbands, all slapping me on the back, shaking my hand, and thanking me for what I'd shared.

I'm not the only half of this couple who's changed her behavior. That's part of the magic of marriage: I reap the benefits of treating Pete better. Pete comes in the door much more quickly at the end of each day, and if I'm distracted and don't immediately acknowledge him, he gently interrupts me with a kiss and a smile. These tone-setting behaviors have had a ripple effect on our whole relationship. We remember that we chose each other all those years ago, which translates into habitual hand-holding, more frequent glances and hugs, and more attentiveness to each other. All of which remind us that we'd choose each other all over again.

Of course, these first two incidents of spatula-dropping happened when I was in a good mood. What about when I'm grumpy or genuinely tired? Do I still have to drop the spatula? Umm … yes. I chose Pete to be the love of my life, not the love of my good days. Sure, some days I can't work up a toothy grin. But as the honest-to-goodness love of my life, Pete deserves my eye contact, my attention, my smile. And that's a lot easier to accomplish without a spatula in my hand.

Lone Sock in a Dryer

To some of my favorite girls in the world:

Being single is challenging. Single women often feel like the lone sock lying in the dryer – left there until its mate is found. They're in a holding pattern, left lying somewhere until they get a mate. They feel there must be something wrong with them – that God has abandoned them or forgotten them.

Being single is just a state of being, not a life-sentence. Singles are not one sock waiting for another sock before they become useful. Rather than waiting to become the spouse they would like to be, they need to find their fulfillment in becoming the individual God intended them to be.

Marriage Pop Quiz!

Please answer each question honestly, bearing in mind that while it is impossible to fail this test, your answers may determine where you'll spend the night.

1. When you are wrong, you will admit it to your partner:
A. Within seconds.
B. Just as soon as cows produce root beer.
C. Usually before sunset.

2. On your most recent vacation, you:
A. Strolled sun-soaked beaches barefoot, then basked in the glow of each other's eyes.
B. Left messages on each other's answering machines.
C. Had to come home for a rest.

3. Which of the following most accurately describes the frequency of your love-making?
A. Tri-weekly
B. Try weakly
C. Try weekly

4. Complete this sentence: I believe the Children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years because:
A. God was testing their marriages.
B. Moses didn't pay attention when his wife was giving directions.
C. Moses wanted everybody to appreciate the Promised Land once they got there.

5. When you're watching TV together, who controls the remote?
A. We do not watch television; we go for walks and talk about our feelings.
B. I do.
C. Whoever gets it first.

6. The food that best sums up your spouse's kiss:
A. Red-hot chili peppers
B. Airline omelet
C. Hot apple pie

7. The movie title that best sums up your sex life:
A. Some Like It Hot
B. Gone with the Wind
C. As Good as It Gets

8. (For men only.) You've just bought a late-model minivan, complete with CD player. The phone rings. It's your frenzied wife calling from Biff's Auto Repair to tell you she has totalled the van. You:
A. Ask if she's okay.
B. Total the telephone.
C. Ask if she's okay—and if the CD player still works.

9. (For women only) After a particularly tough day, your husband has crashed in front of the TV set. You decide to:
A. Stand beside the TV set and try on lingerie.
B. Put fiberglass insulation in his pajamas.
C. Pour two tall ginger ales and crash with him.

10. Your definition of communication is:
A. I am attentive to my partner's communication needs. I listen well and share openly my thoughts, aspirations, and feelings.
B. Nintendo.
C. Sorry, I was distracted. Could you repeat the question?

11. It's 12:30 a.m. and neither of you can sleep. Your spouse says, "Honey, I'm hungry. Would you get me a slice of cheese?" You say:
A. "Is that all, sweetheart? How about a salad with croutons?"
B. "Zzzzzz."
C. "Swiss or cheddar?"

How to score:
If you answered "A" more than six times, thanks for taking this quiz during your honeymoon. We wish you all the best in the years ahead. If you found yourself gravitating to the "B" responses, take an aspirin and resubscribe to Marriage Partnership in the morning. Also—find a soft pillow. You'll need it on the couch.

If you chose "C" five or more times, you've got a good thing going.

Collect 10 bonus points if you also answered "A" more than once. Sounds like some flexibility, lots of laughter, and a servant heart are keeping your marriage fresh.

Now, break out the ginger ale. It's time to try weekly!