Current Status: No Margin

Over the last four weeks, I have been processing this concept of "margin" in my life. Actually its more than just processing, God has been hammering me with it!

In July, I gave my work notice that I would be leaving. But, I agreed to stay on until they found someone to replace me (big mistake not to give a specific date...but I was trying to be nice! Trust me, I learned my lesson.) I've been working full-time for the last four weeks and it has done nothing but confirm my decision to stay home with Rilyn. Not just for Rilyn's sake, but also for my husband and for me.

Initially, I made the decision to stay home logistically for Rilyn. Aside from my struggle with leaving her all day with a babysitter, financially it just didn't make sense. Most of the money I would make would go to her sitters.

But since I've returned to work, I've gained a new and even greater perspective on why it is important for me to be home. Margin.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in motherhood. Being at work all day, even just sitting at a desk, is exhausting. And being a mom, especially to an infant, means no rest time once I get home. I go through the motions of taking care of Rilyn and trying to be in the moment with her, but I'm not mentally there.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in my marriage. Having my work hat on, then immediately switching to my mommy hat also places challenges on my wife hat, which in my mind should be on before the others. It is important that I am available to support my husband both at home and in ministry. In the last four weeks, I haven't had as much to give as I'd like. Yes, my marriage could survive in this atmosphere, but I want it to thrive. I want to be an active partner with my husband in life and ministry, but right now its taking a lot of work to be more than passing ships in the night. I'm a better mom to Rilyn if I'm a better wife to my husband first. If I'm being honest, in the last four weeks, I find myself being Mom first, Wife second. Rilyn's needs are screaming at me (literally screaming sometimes). Matt doesn't need me to feed, bathe, change or hold him. Being home will provide me the needed margin to set my priorities straight.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin in my faith and ministry. Sadly, what little time I was finding in the last few months with God, has become nothing. I'll be honest, yesterday was the first time in four weeks that I even opened my Bible. I'm empty. And you can't (or shouldn't) serve out of your emptiness. Romans 15:13 (The Message) says, "May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!" I can't be filled with "the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit" without spending quality time with my Savior.

Last year, I stepped down from leading a high school girls small group because I didn't have the time or energy working full time and being pregnant. I wasn't able to have the deep relationships with the girls that I used to have. And I miss that. In the last four weeks, I've had several ministry opportunities that I just haven't been able to do because I've had to make my family a priority with what little amount I had available.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

Margin for me. Being home will also allow me to find time for me. This summer, I had a weekly play date with some other mom friends. I miss that time! I struggle adding friends into the mix when I don't even have quality time with my family. I also struggle with not feeling guilty when I go have some "me" time. I feel like I should be spending that time with Matt and Rilyn. I don't even have time to update this blog! Once I'm home full time, there will be more of a balance and more margin for personal time.

Margin: the amount available beyond what is necessary.

I understand that staying home isn't the answer for everyone. But I do believe that its not only for the sake of a child; its also for the family, marriage and personal lives of those who choose that. I don't think enough people take that into consideration. I'm not quiting my job because life is too difficult. I'm choosing to prioritize.

Yes, I could find a better paying job. But is that necessary? No, not for us. Yes, we will be giving up nice vacations and Starbucks. But finding margin for the more important things in my life is so worth it!

New Profession: Mom

I've always known that I wanted to be a mom and deep down I wanted to stay home with my children. My mom stayed home and I really appreciated having her home and available all through my childhood...especially in my teen years!

Rilyn's arrival confirmed all of my desires to raise my family at home. It was a little harder to convince Matt as he had major concerns about providing for our family, which I appreciate that he even thinks about that! So, I told him that I would continue to work if that's what he felt we needed to do. All summer, I was preparing myself to return to work. The closer and closer it came, the harder and harder it was for me to think about leaving her. I'm sure most, if not all, moms feel or have felt the same way.

The tipping point for us is when we figured up how much we would be spending in childcare. Despite the incredible deals that people were going to give us, more than half of my income would be going to having other people take care of Rilyn. That just didn't sit well with us. I couldn't see the benefit of being gone from Rilyn every single day, all day, for a few hundred dollars a month.

After much prayer and conversation, we made the decision that I would stay home to raise our family. I'm so excited!!! This is going to be a season of trusting God but I'm anxious to see where he takes our little family. I've turned in my resignation but told them I'll stay until they find my replacement and I train them.

I find it interesting that God has been preparing us for this. Our first month of marriage, we took a class called "Financial Peace". Because of that class, we have never truly lived off my income. It has mostly gone to paying off our school debt. But we still enjoyed the extra income to go on vacations and drink lots of Starbucks. :) Then, last December our church did a challenge called "750 in the black". Basically we were all challenged to either start tithing or double our tithe to the church and also invite friends to see what God was doing. Matt and I were really stretched financially during this challenge -- which was incredible for us! It was a great time of learning how to trust God with our money and changed our view of money.

Now that I'm not working, we're making much less than we did in December 2009 and yet, everything is panning out. Once again, we're having to trust God. Its an exciting adventure yet again!

Just look at that smile! She's so worth it!

Emerson

Last night, I spent several hours designing Emerson's new website. Check them out -- I think their music is pretty awesome! :)

Savage Family Vacation and E-Mealz

I feel like I have been and will continue to live out of a suitcase for the month of July! Matt was gone for a week on a high school youth trip, so I went to Bloomington to be with my family. We were home for 2 days and then left for a Savage family vacation, which we just got home from last night. Although we were once again using a suitcase, it was a great three days of some much needed R&R. We stayed at a cabin in Indiana and had a good time with my family (missed you Erica and Kendall!)

Next week, Matt will once again be gone for the week on a Jr High trip. So, I'm trying to decide if I want to pack a suit case once again or just try to forge ahead on my own.

This is the first week we have been home in several weeks, so our fridge is completely bare. Last week, we were only home two days, so I didn't want to go grocery shopping for just that, so we've been eating out alot.

Well, we're back for the whole week and I'm really excited, because I'm starting my E-Mealz plan for the first time! For the month of June, I tried to plan out all of my meals and stick to fresh food. It was exhausting! I did not enjoy - nor did this new mom have the time - to devote to doing that each week. I happened across E-Mealz and decided I would give it a 3-month trial (you have to sign up for 3 months at a time).

For $1.25/week ($5/month) you can sign up for the type of plan you would like AND choose which store you most frequent. I chose the Meal Plan for 2 at Walmart. They've done all the work for planning out my week, INCLUDING my grocery list. The cost for groceries on this plan averages $30-40 per week. I will be saving about $40-50 per week (yes...we ate out alot...and can't resist starbucks) YAY! This new mom is very excited and very happy. I think its well worth the $1.25 per week. I printed off my list for the week and will head to the store in the morning. I'll keep you posted on how my first week goes and how my picky hubby likes the meals...

27 Years!

Happy Anniversary to my mom and Dad -- 27 years!

Emerson: So proud of my little brother!

My little brother, Evan, has a recording contract and is moving to Chicago! So proud of him! :) Check out his band's demo: Heaven Forbid. You can hear it in the player below.

We're Back!

What a trip! On Christmas Eve, we headed down to see Matt's family, then on the 29th, we went to see my family and got back on the 2nd. A 10-day trip to see family! It was great, but it was so nice to be in my own bed again!

Now, back to reality...yesterday I worked on the bills.

During the month of December, God taught Matt and I a lot about trusting Him with our finances. Our entire church went through a challenge called "750...in the black". We were all encouraged to double our giving during the month of December. I figured out the budget, and doubling our giving wouldn't be too difficult. After praying about it, Matt told me that he felt like we were to give a specific number...more than I was "comfortable" giving. I could do double...but this was going to be a stretch. But that is exactly what God was asking us to do...trust that he would provide! It was so cool to watch that happen.

We watched God provide money for food and gas again and again. Before we left I told Matt that I didn't know how we would have money to eat at his favorite Taco place in his hometown. Sure enough, we were given a gift certificate to that exact place for Christmas. God is so cool!

As I sat doing my bills yesterday, I found myself getting stressed out. It was as if all the cool God stories were forgotten, and I wasn't in the place of trusting God with my finances anymore. I got it all figured out and then sat down for my quiet time and this is what was in my devotional for the day.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

What a good reminder!

Gifts that Give Back

This Christmas, Matt and I are seriously reconsidering what we give our loved ones for Christmas. While physical gifts can be wonderful, we also believe that there are eternal ways we can give as well.

Especially as we start our family, we are even more in tune to the message we want to send to our children about materialistic things and what Christmas is really all about.

Our church has been doing a series call "750...in the black" and its been really challenging me (us) to completely trust God with our finances. And it all comes down to the fact that its not our money, but God's and he's made us stewards of it. So how are we probably going to spend God's money this Christmas? How about donating to charity on behalf of your loved one?

Here's some ideas...maybe you would be inspired too!

Gifts of Compassion (My Personal Favorite)
World Vision Gift Catalog
A Gift from the Heart - Habitat for Humanity
Operation Smile
Harvest of Hope
*Changing the Present
Give-A-Tree
Heifer International
*Donors Choose - Connecting You to Classrooms in Need
*The Good Card
To Write Love on Her Arms
Living Waters for the World
Operation Christmas Child
Bible League
Bibles International
Any Soldier


Maybe you'd still like to give a gift, but still want to help out. Check these out!

Toms Shoes (For every pair of shoes you buy, one is donated to a child in need)
Spend Yourself (100% of the profit goes to the cause each shirt supports)
Ten Thousand Villages (Your fair trade purchase of handmade jewelry, home decor and gifts helps improve the lives of thousands of artisans in Asia, Africa, Latin America and the Middle East.)
*Better World Books
*Uncommon Goods
*Gift Back (10% of purchase goes to charity)
*CommonThreadz - For every tshirt you buy, a school uniform is donated in Africa

Anyone else have any ideas for Gifts that Give Back?

*Any link marked with a (*) I have not personally purchased or known anyone who has purchased through them. I would encourage you to do your research. :)

Courtland

This is my brother's band's performance for the 91.5 WCIC Opening Act competition. My brother wrote the song (He's on the keys). Voting starts a week from Monday for the winner. I'll keep you up to date. :)

Completely His

Every woman needs to run out and purchase her own copy of this book "Completely His" by Shannon Etheridge!

It is an incredible read! She had me crying in the first few pages and I was completely hooked and challenged throughout the rest of it. I picked it up yesterday (yes...yesterday) at Borders and was crying in Borders! :) I've never read any of Shannon's other books so I've never heard any of her story...it was riveting!

Here's a review from Publishers Weekly:
Ethridge, bestselling author of the Every Woman's Battle series, begins this book on God's limitless love by recounting the horrific moment when she accidentally killed a woman while behind the wheel. Ethridge's vivid memory of the sorrow she caused as a new teen driver doesn't stop at the tragedy's harrowing details but focuses on the amazingly gracious forgiveness and affirmation she received from the victim's spouse. So sets the stage for this guide where Ethridge uses generous portions of scripture to convince doubt-ridden, wounded women of their intrinsic worth to God. To demonstrate, she draws upon the spiritual metaphor of a love relationship: falling in love, a tender proposal, the forsaking of all others, love languages, wedding surprises and the tossing of the bouquet. Particularly poignant is when she shares her personal epiphany that God had transformed her greatest stumbling block—that of her previous sexual sins—into the vehicle for demonstrating how God had changed her. Ethridge challenges women to accept the "wedding" gifts from a loving God who offers redemption from the past, resurrection power for today and a heavenly home in eternity. While the book is engaging and soulful, many of Ethridge's personal accounts have been published elsewhere and might feel stale to some loyal readers.

Light Bulb

It was my birthday last week -- 24 wasn't that big of a deal. It kind of passed by...no significance. However, Matt did get me a Wii with help from my parents and his mom. My arm has been pretty sore. :)

My mom came to visit this week because she had a speaking engagement in town and she brought another gift. This is a little book she's been writing in throughout the years of fun little things that she wanted to remember about my childhood, or letters to me. Pretty cool! I thought it would be fun to share an excerpt from one of these:

March 3, 1994
Anne,
Today you pulled the "thermometer by the lightbulb" trick. The thermometer showed 106 degrees. Needless to say, you should have been on your deathbed with a temperature like that! Oh well, I asked you 2 times how the temperature got that high. Finally, you lowered your head and said "the lightbulb". I think your own embarassment was enough punishment. I don't think you'll try this again. P.S. I did it when I was about 9 years old too. :)

Love,
Mom

PPS. You said you were sick, but you really weren't. You just wanted to be home with mom and Erica.

Hahaha...reading that brought me back to that moment and I suddenly remembered it so clearly. Its so fun to read little things like that about your childhood. I'm sure some of you have tried the thermometer trick at one point or another. ;)

Hey everyone!  I'm really excited about the custom Christmas cards I'm now offering at Inspired Design by Anne.  Head on over and check them out! :) 

Can you believe its Christmas season already!?!?  Matt has been bugging me about my Christmas list for the last few weeks...I guess I need to get started on that!  Anyone know what they want for Christmas yet?

Crosswinds Community Church - New Home

I love my dad! He inspires me all of the time to love and care for people - right where they are. He has incredible wisdom and knows when to challenge and when to encourage. Years ago, my dad started talking about planting a church, thus Crosswinds was born. I remember the beginning stages of meeting on my parent's front lawn to finally finding a home in a warehouse and all of the growing pains that come along with a brand new church. I know that for my dad (well...my whole family) there has been a lot of joy and a lot of pain that has come on this journey - but its been a good one.

A few months ago, an opportunity came along for Crosswinds to take over an older church building that had a dying congregation. You can read more here and on my dad's blog. Sunday afternoon, my dad called me excited to tell me about moving day. Instead of a typical church service, they had a moving service. The entire church came together and moved from one building to the new building. Its an exciting new season and I know that it has pumped my dad up! I am sure that seeing his dream taking a huge leap forward is a confirmation that he has truly followed the direction God laid out for him to do.

I once read somewhere that becoming a follower of Christ is not an invitation to an easy life, a life of luxury or a safe life, but its still worth it!

You can check out more about this exciting day by checking these out:

Moving Photos
"Move That Church" post by Amy

Wedding Bells

My little brother is getting married on Saturday! We are heading to Bloomington tonight for the wedding festivities. This picture was taken three years ago on a family vacation - we all look so young!

We love you Evan and Julie!

Don't Know What To Call This...

I had an emotional melt down last night...I can't imagine what was going on in Matt's brain at the time but he was so patient with me.

As I was driving home last night, I talked to my mom about Evan's wedding and how we are leaving today for Matt's hometown and when I got off the phone I had a wave of emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. Instantly, I missed living close to family. Matt and I pulled into the driveway at the same time and he opened my door only to find tears running down my face. I silently cried all the way into the house but once Matt asked me what was wrong -- a fresh wave of tears and sobs poured out. He just hugged me as I cried and cried and cried.

Matt: Let's go sit down.

Me: (As I was sobbing) No, we have to clean the house.

Me: (Taking a deep breath as I let out a loud sob) But I don't want to clean! (as a full sob session begins again -- mind you...this has nothing to do with cleaning my house and I still have no clue why suddenly that is what came out of my mouth)

I was so exhausted and emotionally wasted that nothing was making sense and Matt just hugged me again as the sobbing continued. What a guy! He stayed up extremely late cleaning my house and doing laundry as I slept. Its in the really hard times that I am especially thankful that I have such a supportive and understanding husband!

Robots, Friends and a Sunburn

This is going to be a long post but I have to blog about everything from this weekend! :)

To start off I have to share something hilarious that happened last night. Matt and I have been going and going all weekend so we are exhausted. We laid down last night and I realized about five minutes later that we hadn't said, "Good night". So I turned over and this is how the conversation went...

Me: You forgot to kiss me goodnight!

Matt: I was concerned.

Me: What?

Matt: I didn't know about you.

Me: What are you talking about!?!?!

Matt: I have been seeing robots all night. (Seriously I am not editing a single thing he said!)

It was at that moment that I realized he was talking in his sleep!! I started laughing so hard. I just talked to him and he said he had no clue that we had that conversation last night!

Back to our weekend. We had a spaghetti dinner Friday night that went very well. We got home about 9:30pm and had to quickly pack and start driving to Bloomington. We got into Btown about 2 am. We then had to meet some good friends for breakfast at 8:30 am. It was so nice to see Mandy and Eric and meet their new little guy Sully. (Yes Eric, you made the blog!) :)

At noon, we went to a mini reunion with some of Matt's friends who were celebrating their little guy's 1 year birthday. Some of our other friends are moving this week to Kansas (I think) so we won't be seeing them any time in the near future. So it was really good to see our friends!



Then, we headed to a graduation party with our friends Eric and Mandy. It was great to see some old friends and students of Matt's old church. I did a little photo session with their little guy Sully.



These are some of my favorites:



Then, my brothers Austin and Kolya had a debut concert with their band Cypress Road. It was all set up in my parents' barn and I think my ears stopped ringing by the time we had driven home to Northern, IL at 2am! What a crazy busy weekend! But it was so nice to hang out with friends and family even if it was just for a few hours!

Orange Conference and My Sister

At BigStuf 07, Matt wanted to win a free registration to the Orange Conference in Atlanta, GA. So, he painted himself orange. However, he didn't win. But, the kids secretly raised the money for him to go. I drove him to the airport on Sunday at 3:30 AM. He returns Thursday morning.

I didn't want to be by myself (read what happened last time Matt was gone) so I asked my sister to come hang out with me for the week. As soon as the rummage sale was over on Saturday, I got on the metra train and met her downtown. Her Amtrak train was an hour late, and we had 8 minutes to run 2 blocks to get to our metra to ride back. We made it with a minute to spare!

Its been fun hanging out with my sister like this. We've never really done that before and its been awesome to have that time. I'll update later this week on what she and I have been up to!

But I do have to say that she has been awesome! I came home from work yesterday and she had deep cleaned my kitchen and bathroom, mopped everything and vacuumed! What a gift!

Biggest Loser Competition: "Try"Athlon

First of all, there was an earthquake last night down where Matt's family lives, but they are all fine! I was actually just thinking last night about the earthquake drills we had in elementary school and how we never had to use them. Then, this morning my coworker told me about the earthquake and upon further reading I found out the epicenter was near Matt's mom's house. Its crazy when you find out something like that has effected people you know and love! Like I said, they are all fine, and no damage was done.

On to Biggest Loser...this week's challenge was to do a Triathlon on the cardio machines: 2 miles on the elliptical, 3 miles on the treadmill, and 7 miles on the bike...all in one workout! I had a really bad attitude about it and just decided I was going to walk the whole time, but then I saw Matt working really hard and decided that I should at least complete it...just for my own satisfaction.

1 hour, 37 minutes and 17 seconds later...I completed the cardio machine triathlon! It took Matt 1 hour and 20 minutes. What a workout last night! There was one other challenge we were supposed to do but I can't remember what it was and I was so done after the triathlon!

After we were done with the triathlon, we had 20 minutes to run home, take showers, get ready and go to our students' school play. One of our students directed a play and a majority of our students were actors and actresses in the plays. I got home last night and crashed into bed. If any of the earthquake tremors did hit us, I wouldn't have felt it!

I'm excited for this weekend...Matt and I are going to Milwaukee for the night and then just spending the day together! We are getting away for the weekend...YAY!

These are the pictures from last night's play:

My Brother Is Engaged!

My blogging hiatus was because I ended up going home for the weekend. My brother got engaged this weekend and I wanted to be there to help celebrate...and I ended up helping put the proposal together. It was so awesome to be able to help in that way!

Evan told Julie to get ready to go out for the night (because it just so happened to be their anniversary). But instead of Evan picking her up, he sent a good family friend that told Julie that Evan ran out of time so he asked her to come pick up Julie.

So they drove to their church where a letter and flowers were waiting for her, then they went to Chevy's (their favorite restaurant) where a letter and flowers were waiting for her. Then she was dropped off at a mansion in town where we had lined the pathway and steps with candles. The door was slightly open for her to come in where the floor was covered in candles and flower petals. Evan was playing the piano and started singing when she walked in. He then read her the last letter, had her turn the page and it said, "Will You Marry Me?". The ring box was in the piano, so he grabbed it, got down on one knee, and proposed! It was so sweet!

They then went to my parents house where all of their family and roommates were waiting to celebrate with them!

Below are some pictures from the proposal:

Weekend with Ducky!

My sister Erica (or Ducky as I fondly call her) came up and visited Matt and I for the weekend. It was the first time she had ever driven on her own through Chicago traffic! She did very well! We went downtown on Saturday. We took the train, it was her first train ride ever! It was a really good experience. We met up with my friend Rachael and had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. It was so busy with all of the holiday shoppers! But we had a lot of fun!